Sorry, I don't have any cash...

"Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you." - Matthew 5:42

I walked into Walgreens, child in tow, and upon entering the sliding doors I was stopped by a disheveled young guy and his girlfriend.  Both looked high.

"Hey, I'm trying to catch the bus with my girlfriend.  Do you have any change you could spare?"

"Sorry, I don't."

As we kept walking into the store, my daughter asked, "Mama, what did he want?"

I looked down at her big, innocent brown eyes and said, "He wanted money to catch the bus." 

"Oh" was her reply.

A little further into the store we were again stopped by a young woman who looked worn and tired.  She said, "Ma'am, I'm so sorry to bother you, but I'm a brittle diabetic and I'm just trying to get some money to get food at the KFC next door.  Can I trouble you for some change?"

"I'm sorry, I don't have any cash," I replied.

"Thank you anyway, Ma'am.  God bless you."  She hung her head down and kept walking on to ask other customers.

"She didn't have any food, Mama?" my daughter asked.  I didn't answer.

My daughter and I made our purchases and headed out the door.  As we walked out, yet another man stopped us asking for money.  I gave him the same pat answer and continued walking to my car.  As I rounded the corner to where my car was parked, the tired girl was standing in the shade.  She held my eyes and she said, "Have a good day, Ma'am.  God bless you."

I got in my car and drove home feeling overwhelmed with guilt.  Guilt for not helping.  Guilt for not extending my dollars to these people, especially once I realized that I, who never carries cash, had a $5 bill in my purse I'd forgotten I had.  Guilt for not following Matthew 5:42. 

A few months ago, my husband and I were at Arco filling up my car.  A lady approached us and said, "God bless you ma'am but we've run out of gas and could use some money to help us get home." 

My husband said, "What pump are you on?"

"9," she said.

He went inside and put $10 on pump number 9 while I paid at the pump for our gas.  While walking back to our car another guy walked up with the same predicament.  Ken told him he'd already given money to the other lady and the guy retorted, "She been here all afternoon.  She's had enough gas," and stormed off.

My husband just kind of shook his head at the man's indignation and we went on with our evening.  A couple weeks back while getting gas with my mom, the same lady came up and asked me the same question, the exact same way.

Irritated I said, "Sorry, I don't have any money for you this time" and without batting an eye she just moved on the next car.  Apparently, this was a full time gig for her.

Normally, I have a "give to everyone and let God sort out their motives" kind of philosophy about pan handling.  However, lately, I'm so overwhelmed by the sheer volume of hard luck stories I'm bombarded with that I've stopped giving on the spot entirely.  It's instances like the one above where they're just using your money or donation of gas so they can keep their money to buy booze and cigarettes.  Is this the case always?  No.  But it happens often enough that I don't want to just fork over money anymore.  And it really irritated me that God is used as a manipulation ploy once my car stickers or necklace is spotted.

I don't want to be bamboozled, but I also don't want to feel those pangs of guilt because I am a "have" and they are a "have not."  Most of us are one lay off, one serious illness, one major disaster away from being in or close to a similar situation. 

My question to you, especially my Christian brethren, is how do you personally handle these situations?  Go with your gut on who gets helped?  Let the Spirit lead? What do you interpret the Bible to say about how we should act in these situations?

Please feel free to comment here or Facebook.  I'm interested to hear your thoughts on this matter and how other folks handle this sort of thing...

Ch-ch-ch-changes (turn and face the strain)...

“It is well for us that, amidst all the variableness of life, there is One whom change cannot affect; One whose heart can never alter, and on whose brow mutability can make no furrows.” ~ Charles Spurgeon

So, this last Sunday our beloved pastor announced that he was answering a call from God to shepherd a church in Staten Island, NY which, for me, meant several things.  Number one, I'd be losing a fabulously terrific pastor, who has challenged my walk and growth in many, many ways.  Number two, I'd be losing a very cherished friend (or at least having a much different kind of friendship due to proximity or lack thereof).  Number three, I'd no longer get to snuggle up with Lincoln.  I love that baby.

Sunday I spent most of the afternoon teary and in a funk.  Not a "Debbie Downer" kind of funk, but the kind that comes along with fear of the unknown.  What if the new pastor is vastly different?  What if everyone loves him but I'm just not feeling it? What if my friend and I lose touch? What if that baby grows up as the only one in the family with a NY accent?  What if.... And then I stopped and did what anyone experiencing this kind of anxiety would do.  I took a nap.  A long one.  I just needed to turn off my brain and reset. I needed to get the heck over myself!

Monday I stayed home with my daughter, who was ill, and was able to reflect, spend time with God in prayer, and wrestle through some of my fears and anxiety about the future.  Romans 8:28 came to mind, which says, "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."  Since this is a God thing, then God, who loves and cares for VCC more than any of us do, will most assuredly provide JUST the right pastor for our congregation and has abundantly good plans for our pastor's family as they move to the other side of the country.  So what the heck am I afraid of?  Men bungle things, God does not. 

Over the past few days I've had a lot of peace about our upcoming situation.  While still grieving for our loss of both friend and mentor, I'm able to see that Bethany Lutheran needs our pastor and that there is another pastor who needs us.  God grows everyone in different ways.  Our pastor has attended VCC since he was a youth and perhaps you preach differently to those you know from a young age than a group of people who don't know you from Adam.  Our pastor needs to grow, Bethany needs to grow, VCC needs to grow and whoever comes to pastor us needs to grow and I am trusting God to do that growing.

The happiest realization is just how many good, close friends I have through VCC.  Though I began attending simply because I'd made a friend through work whose pastor husband went to high school with me, and though it's often been a two steps forward, one step back journey for my family, I am proud to say that VCC is my family, regardless of who holds the title of "pastor."  I have strong friendships with people I can lean on for support and lend my support to as well.  I grieve when they grieve and rejoice when they rejoice.  We pray for one another, comfort one another, and strive to help each other in our Christian walk. 

We have our pastor for a few short months, then he begins his new adventure in NY.  My focus is to pray for him and his family, pray for their new church, pray for our church and serve in any way I can and enjoy the time remaining with our pastor and his beautiful family.

May Staten Island be blessed as we have!  And if they need a translator, my husband is always just a phone call away...